


Never Let You Fall - A Christmas Miracle

by snap_snap_snap



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: Angst, Christmas, Christmas Fluff, Christmas Presents, Fluff, Im trying my best, Julian is a touchy-feely drunk, Kanar, M/M, and julie has a crush, cursing, for once, garak tells the truth
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-04
Updated: 2018-01-04
Packaged: 2019-02-28 01:33:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,689
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13260816
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/snap_snap_snap/pseuds/snap_snap_snap
Summary: It's Christmas Eve, and Doctor Julian Bashir has a party to go with. Afterwards, he makes a mistake that'll take a miracle to fix.





	Never Let You Fall - A Christmas Miracle

**Author's Note:**

  * For [micksgotkicks](https://archiveofourown.org/users/micksgotkicks/gifts).



> For the Secret Santa fic exchange by https://star-trek-secret-santa.tumblr.com/ !
> 
> Merry Christmas, https://chekthefuckov.tumblr.com/ !

Julian sighed, looking at the Christmas tree. It was always around the holidays that he felt the most lonely. Don’t get him wrong, he loves DS9 and his fellow crewmates, it was just… He wished he was spending it with one person in particular. Not that that was possible, really, given that, while Julian was best described as swinging in all directions, he didn’t seem to flirt with anyone, especially not Jul—

Julian huffed aloud. He was getting himself down, and that was no way to act on Christmas Eve. It was the time of year to make merry and forget his troubles, and that was exactly what he intended to do!

The doctor rose to his feet and smiled at his clothes: comfortable trousers, an Earth-style ugly sweater, and a Santa hat to top it all off. It was going to make Garak gag, but that was part of the fun! Julian grabbed his bag of presents and left his quarters, heading for the Wardroom, where Sisko was holding the crew Christmas party.

\---

The inside of the Wardroom was a sight: strings of lights hung along every wall, mistletoe adorned almost every entryway, red and green decorations brightened the walls, and a huge tree stood in the center. Julian went to the tree first and hid his own gifts among the others already placed. Not everyone had arrived, so the party was still sparse, but that just made it easier for Julian to find Sisko.

“Captain!” Julian greeted with a grin. “Merry Christmas!”

“And a happy new year!” Sisko replied with a matching smile.

“Am I early?” Julian asked, looking around the partially-empty ballroom.

“No, no, just wait a bit. Before you know it, the room will be practically vibrating with holiday cheer!” The Captain said. And he wasn’t lying: Julian hadn’t been waiting for long when Miles arrived, accompanied by Keiko and a hyped-up-on-eggnog Molly. After the O’Briens, Jadzia arrived, then the Major, then two of the nurses (Jailyn and Wyneia made such a cute couple, he noted), and then Julian could hardly tell who was filing in because the room had become so lively.

Dancing started not soon after, and he was sure that he saw even Odo somewhere on the dance floor. It was a wonderful evening, for the forty or so minutes he was able to spend in attendance.

Julian had been dancing to “Jingle Bell Rock” with Kira when he saw Garak. His first reaction was to grin like an idiot, but then his expression became more confused. This was for two reasons: one, it was mainly a crew and crew’s family party, so how did Garak get an invitation? And two, why did his usual up-to-nothing smile look so…strained? It was too odd to be ignored.

“I’m sorry, Nerys, please forgive me, but I’ll have to stop our dancing short,” he said with an apologetic smile.

“Medical emergency?” she joked while waving Jadzia over to finish the dance with her.

“Of a kind,” Julian said, then weaved his way off of the floor.

“Garak! What a pleasure to see you!” Julian greeted the tailor, his insides growing a bit warmer when Garak’s normal smile melted into something a tad more genuine.

“The pleasure is all mine, my dear docto—”

“Ahh! It’s Julian tonight.”

“Of course, my apologies.” Garak stood and motioned with a small flourish for Julian to take the seat next to him. They both sat, and Julian wasted no time in getting to the heart of things.

“I hope you’ll forgive my curiosity, but why are you here? It’s a crew party, after all.”

“Captain Sisko gave me the invitation. He said it was only fair, considering how I have helped the station in the past.”

“That’s wonderful!” Julian exclaimed, and then the conversation dropped off. Another oddity of the night. Usually, he and Garak had no trouble continuing a conversation. He’d lose hours at their lunches, raising and debating topic after topic until his throat got a bit sore.

“Garak, are you feeli—”

“Yes, Doctor, I’m quite alright.”

“I see. But remember, I’m simple ‘Julian’ tonight, not a doctor.”

“If that’s the case, please stop prying into my wellbeing,” Garak snapped. Julian stared at his lunch companion, shocked and started, but before he could demand an explanation, Garak continued. “I apologize,” he said with a sigh; “I’m afraid I’m not quite feeling like myself tonight. Would you mind if we continued our conversation  
elsewhere?”

“Of course not.”

\---

The pair wound up at Quark’s just as Rom was leaving. He was supposed to lock up the bar and then go help Quark serve drinks at the party, but Julian gave him two pieces of latinum and Rom promised him and Garak the bar for the next few hours.

“That man is far too trusting,” Garak said with a slight huff.

“Garak, I’m the Chief Medical Officer. If he’s going to blindly trust anyone on this ship it might as well be me.”

“And while I hardly understand that personally, I’ll admit that most people would agree with you. My problem is that he’s like that with everyone.”

Julian only shrugged and let the matter drop. That wasn’t where his focus was being drawn.

“Garak, are you feeling okay?” He knew that Garak would rather tell a million lies before truthfully answering that question, but from the lack of smile on his face,  
Julian thought he might get a straight answer this time.

“I suppose, after how I acted, you deserve some grain of truth.” Garak paused, then sighed before he continued. “You could say that this holiday makes  
me…uncomfortable.” Julian waited for him to continue, but when he didn’t, Julian prodded him.

“And?”

“And what?”

“Why does it make you uncomfortable?”

Garak’s normal smile grew on his face, and Julian knew that he had gotten all he would out of Garak on this topic. “My dear Doct – Julian, where would the fun be if I simply told you?”

“Ahh, very true,” Julian admitted with a small laugh.

And there was the Garak he knew again. It was funny: most people would think the lies would make their relationship feel fake or hollow, but Julian almost felt more comfortable with the lies. It made getting to the truth so much more satisfying.

Julian stood up and enjoyed Garak’s split second of confusion as he walked behind the bar. He dropped a piece of latinum on the counter, then grabbed the closest  
bottle of kanar. “How is this vintage?”

“Just fine. Not as good as what one would find on Cardassia, but that’s the same with most everything on this station. But, Doc—”

“Julian.”

“Julian. If you are trying to lift my spirits—”

“No, Garak, I’m only buying you some. Well, us some. You were clearly uncomfortable at the party, so what’s stopping us from having fun out here?”

“D—Julian, if you want to go back to the party, please do. I don’t want you to suffer on my account.” Garak, always so polite!

“Suffer?” Julian smirked. “Oh no. By buying you this,” he passed Garak the kanar and two glasses, “I’ve put you in my debt. And I’m going to be collecting that debt for the rest of the night.”

“My, where did you get this devious streak? From me, I hope.” Garak poured them both a glass of the liquor while Julian walked back around the counter.

“Mmm, don’t give yourself so much credit. Jadzia’s been just as much of a teacher as you have.”

“Well! Next time I see her, I’ll have to kindly ask her to take her paws off of my best student.” Julian laughed at that before having a large sip of his drink. He just smiled at Garak for a bit, mind unfocusing as he appreciated the warm alcohol seeping into his veins and the familiarity of their friendly debates. “Julian.” Julian blinked and brought himself back into the moment.

“Yes, Garak?”

“When did I become so transparent to you?” Garak was still smiling, but it looked strained again.

“I’m sorry?”

“You said I looked uncomfortable at the party. How did you tell?”

Julian shrugged shortly. “Your smile. It was more strained than usual.”

“And how could you tell that?” Garak was growing more tense, Julian could tell.

“Your anguli oris muscles were tighter than usual.” Julian reached out and lightly brushed just to the left of Garak’s mouth to indicate the muscles he was talking about. “Or, I suppose it’s the Carcassian equivalent.” Rather than relieve him, the explanation seemed to put Garak even more on edge. Since this topic was upsetting him, Julian decided to change tactics.

“How much do you know about Christmas?” he asked.

“Not much, I’m afraid.” Garak seemed pleased at the less-than-subtle topic change.

“Then I’ll teach you about the important things!” Julian said excitedly. “The whole holiday started off as a religious celebration of a certain god and his tenants, but as time went on, the holiday became more about love and gift giving than anything else. So, now everyone can celebrate it, no matter their beliefs, and it’s all quite nice, really. And then we all exchange gifts with people we love. And listen to music and drink eggnog,” he explained.

Garak was allowing himself to look fully confused, which meant he wasn’t going to even bother to pretend that he understood any of that. Whoops. “But why?” he asked. “If you love someone, shouldn’t they know without you buying them useless trinkets?”

“Well, yes, but that’s not the point.”

“Then what is?”

“Just to be happy, I suppose. It’s always nice to feel thought of, and that was Christmas gifts do.” Garak was silent, but his face was composed again; a good sign. “Do you understand now?”

“I understand that you humans have very strange rituals.” Julian burst into laughter, and while Garak didn’t join him, he smiled one of his real smiles. Julian felt his insides warm again. At that moment, he felt very, very lucky.

\---

Two hours later, the pair had finished off the entire bottle of kanar (well, mostly Julian had), and Julian was feeling confident.

“Here, it’ll be fun!”

“No, Julian, I already told you I don’t want to.”

“Okay, but I do, and I’m missing the Christmas party to be here with you, so you’re damn well going to stand up and dance with me!” Julian grabbed Garak’s hands and pulled stubbornly until the older man stood.

“Fine, but just one dance.”

Two songs later, and Julian had gone from tipsy confidence to tipsy fatigue.

“Santa Baby” played softly in the background while Julian rested his head on Garak’s chest. His own feet followed Garak’s lazily, allowing the other man to lead.

“Mmm, santa baby, hurrrrrrrrry doooooowwwwwn the chimney, hmmmm,” Julian mumbled, barely in time with the song.

“Doctor—”

“Julian!”

“Julian, I think it’s time you got some rest—”

“But I’m not tired!” Garak laughed at that, causing him to huff. “It’s not funny.” Julian opened his eyes and took his head off of Garak. If he was going to be laughed at, he was going to be looked in the eyes, dammit.

“Actually, it is, my dear.” Garak kept talking after that, but Julian tuned it out. How had he never noticed how pretty Garak looked when he was talking? Well, he had, he just usually had the good sense to do nothing about it. After all, Garak wasn’t attracted to men. Julian was sure of it. Absolutely positive. But why didn’t he check, just to be sure?

Julian tuned back in because Garak was repeating his name, trying to get his attention or something, but Julian had already made up his mind on his course of action.

Julian reached an arm around Garak’s neck, pulled him close, and kissed him, right on the lips.

Garak’s lips were soft and felt almost scaly, and Julian liked them. He liked them a lot.

Between the alcohol and his own fascination Garak’s texture, it took Julian a bit to figure out that he wasn’t responding. Not pushing Julian away, but not really accepting the kiss, either.

So Julian pulled back, expecting, well, something, and what he got was a blank and vaguely horrified expression.

It felt like the bottom had dropped out of his stomach and the remainders turned to ice.

“Oh, my god, I’m so sorry,” Julian said. He stepped backwards, slowly at first, then he turned and ran like hell.

\---

The next morning, Julian woke up and felt awful on practically every level.

Physically, he had the type of hangover he hadn’t felt since graduation. (Well, except those one or two times with Miles.) Emotionally, he felt like he had just ruined what was probably one of his dearest friendships. Psychologically, he could feel his mindset turning slightly agoraphobic. Why go outside when he felt so goddamn awful?

Then he glanced at his clock.

It was 8:55 AM on Christmas morning, and the staff would be opening his gifts in about five minutes.

With a loud groan that felt totally fitting of his situation, Julian forced himself out of bed and into his bathroom.

\---

In twenty-five minutes, Julian managed to shower, brush his teeth, get redressed, and somehow not look like death on legs. He felt proud of that as he walked into the Wardroom and hid near the back of the crowd.

Sisko was in front of the tree, reading off names alphabetically and handing said person each of their gifts from the pile. Not the cutest way to get your presents, but with an entire space station worth of crewmen plus their families, it was efficient and necessary.

Sisko, however, was already on the C names, so he resigned to waiting until the end to get his gifts.

\---

It took a while, but eventually, most everyone had filed out onto the promenade to open their gifts. There simply wasn’t enough room inside the Wardroom.

Julian walked up to Sisko before he could do the same, however.

“Sorry I was late. Can I get my share of the haul?” he asked, smiling to hide his internal pain. He had taken Jadzia’s hangover-cure, but he still had some symptoms.  
His head was killing him, and he just wanted to go back to bed.

“Of course! I got worried when you didn’t come up earlier.” Sisko handed him a bag, neatly filled with his stacked gifts.

“Thank you. And Merry Christmas!” Julian said, walking quicker than usual to the door.

“Merry Christmas!” Sisko called back, sending Julian off with a happy wave as the doors shut between them.

\---

It was ridiculous that he was disappointed. Absolutely ridiculous.

And yet, he was.

Julian sighed as he fingered through his small pile of presents. Miles had gotten him a new holosuit spy program, Odo had gotten him a new laser scalpel (he had broken his spare, and Julian was thankful that Odo remembered him mentioning that), and everyone else gotten such fantastic gifts, and yet he was disappointed when a certain name didn’t come up.

And why would Garak get him a gift? The man barely understood the holiday, and even if he did, Julian had ruined everything last night.

It wasn’t as if Garak knew the hours Julian had spent fawning over his gift in particular, or the way that Julian’s heart sped up when Garak was happy (truly happy, not the way he pretended usually), or how Julian had been avoiding drinking or being in any way judgement-handicapped around the man to avoid just what had happened the night before…

Oh hell, Julian had it bad for Garak, and the man had no idea.

Or, Julian hoped he didn’t. It would be awful if their friendship had only lasted this long out of pity.  
He allowed himself to mope for another half hour, but then he decided to get over himself. It was Christmas day. So what if his crush on Garak imploded? There would be others. Others who weren’t nearly as interesting or attractive as that lying lizard, but others all the same.

He was caught up in his pep talk when his comm unit sounded.

“Dax to Bashir,” Jadzia’s voice sounded through the small device.

“Bashir here. Is there an emergency?” he asked worriedly.

“Oh, no, not at all! I’m just gathering everyone for some hot chocolate in my quarters. Want to come?”

Julian smiled; that’s just what he needed! A good time with some good friends to get his mind off of his, while not broken, definitely damaged heart.

“I’ll be there!”

“Great! See you soon.”

Julian stood from his couch and stretched. He walked towards the door, then paused. Despite cheering himself up, he still felt rather gloomy, so he took the bottle of whiskey out of the cabinet beside his replicator. He poured himself three fingers’ worth, and he was half-way through drinking it when the door chimed.

“Jadzia, I told you I was coming! No need to come and grab m—”

His words were cut short when the door slid open, revealing Garak instead of his favorite Trill.

“If you’re busy, I’ll come back another time. So sorry to bother you,” Garak said before making a move to leave.

“No! Stay,” Julian said, waving the Cardassian inside.

The two stood in silence for a moment, then Julian motioned to the small box in Garak’s hands.

“What’s that?” he asked.

“A present,” Garak said, turning the package gently in his hands.

Julian couldn’t help the small “ha!” that escaped him. “I thought you didn’t understand this holiday?”

“I don’t.” The words weren’t harsh, but a bit intense. Julian didn’t know how to respond.

The silence resumed.

“But,” Garak continued, “I found your gift to me, and I thought it appropriate, if not necessary, to reciprocate. So, Julian, Merry Christmas.” Garak held out the small box, and Julian carefully took it into his own hands. “Please open it.” His tone was almost…pleading? Not daring to allow an ounce of hope rise in his heart, Julian began to unwrap the gift.

Garak, who was always so patient, seemed anxious, on edge. The cracks in Julian’s heart filled with what he feared was false optimism. Garak couldn’t be returning his feelings; not now, after last night.

Julian finally removed the lid of the box, and what was inside made him burst out in relieved, yet still nervous, laughter: a classic, real Walther PPK.

“Where did you even find one of these?” Julian asked while he touched the gun reverently. Just like from the old spy stories! It felt so much better than the ones he’d used in the holosuite. He picked it up, careful to keep his fingers off of the trigger, and felt the familiar and yet strange weight in his hand. He couldn’t keep the smile off of his face.

“I have my sources.” After a glare from Julian, Garak sighed and gave in. “In truth, I found this a few months ago and knew you would adore it. I’ve been saving it for the right time. You see, I didn’t want my actions to be, hmm, I suppose you could say misinterpreted,” Garak said, and the explanation felt genuine. So genuine that Julian felt his heart crack all over again.

“Ahh. I see. Well, don’t worry. I made a mistake last night, and it’s a mistake I won’t make again,” Julian replied, replacing the gun in the box and turning to hide it on some shelf. He loved it, but it hurt to look at right now. All he would ever be to Garak was a friend, and he needed to accept that.

Before he could even take a step forward, however, Julian felt a hand wrap gently around his bicep and tug him back around. Julian opened his mouth to—

Soft, almost scaly lips closed over his own, and he couldn’t help but close his eyes as he melted into the kiss, leaning forward into Garak’s embrace. A strong arm wrapped around his waist, giving Julian the confidence to wrap an arm around Garak’s neck. His other arm held the box tightly, fiercely.

When they finally broke apart, Julian had to gasp to regain his breath.

“But – you – why?” Julian stumbled over his words.

Garak’s hands were on Julian’s hips, holding him close as he spoke. “My dear, dear Julian, I’m afraid we’ve both failed in the art of espionage in this matter. Neither of us was able to read the signs right in front of our eyes.” Garak had a real smile on his face, and that convinced him (if the kiss hadn’t already) that whatever confession was coming, it was true. “After our years of debate, I had believed that, while my interest in you was clear, you did not reciprocate my feelings. All the while, I suppose you felt identically.”

“You mean – you, you feel the same?”

“If the same, you mean I enjoy your company beyond the realm of friendship, then yes,” Garak said. 

“Then why, if I may ask, were you so uncomfortable last night?” Julian asked once he’d found his words again.

“I’ll admit that I knew some traits of Christmas before you explained it to me. For example, I know that it’s a day meant to be spent with loved ones. So, originally, I suppose I was a tad jealous of whatever young woman would have been your companion last night. And then, once you threw away your evening to keep me company, I was afraid you were only staying with me out of pity for my unrequited affections.”

“Is that the most honest you’ve ever been with me?” he asked. He knew the smile on his face looked absolutely goofy, but he doubted that Garak would mind.

Garak shrugged and replied, “Perhaps.” Julian laughed and felt himself melt all over again, but Garak was there to catch him.

As the pair stood by the doorway, the older holding the younger tightly to him and both leaning in to prove their shared affections once again, Julian knew Garak would never let him fall.

**Author's Note:**

> I might make a smut second chapter one day, but not 'til my college apps are done.


End file.
